Is Love That Blind?
http://20six.co.uk/oberon
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Drinking at the holy well
By the time Zuska arrived downstairs Bruno had finished his breakfast and was playing fetch with Harry, laughing delightedly as the little dog skidded across the tiled floor in pursuit of a small rubber ball.
She smiled and poured herself some orange juice and let them play for a few minutes more before sending Bruno upstairs to dress in the clothes she laid out for him on the bed.
Was he happy? Zuska shrugged to herself. What did she know about happiness? He laughed more and talked more and seemed at least as content than when she’d found him in that awful place.
But of course Bruno was always content. Ever since she had known him he had showed an amazing ability to absorb all the poison and bile in the world and filter it – no, transform it almost miraculously - into pure, cool, sweet water. Like a holy well.
Was she doing the right thing? She shrugged again. What did she know about the rightness of things? The clinic was expensive, the best there was. Music and poetry and stories were part of his life now, and he was bursting with enthusiasm over the events of the week when he came home on Fridays.
She looked out of the window down into the street. The limousine was already there. Isaac, the driver, was smoking a cigarette and leaning against the car door. Zuska was glad it was him. She had threatened to cancel the contract with the limousine company on Friday when they had sent Bruno home with a different driver. Bruno wasn’t good with strangers.
She took the bag and waited while Bruno said goodbye to Harry, and then they walked hand in hand down the staircase and into the street.
Isaac nodded to Zuska and smiled at Bruno. He opened the rear door and took the bag from Zuska and put it into the boot. Zuska spread her hand over Bruno’s skull as he stooped into the car. She lent across the leather seat and fastened his belt and then whispered into his ear and kissed him tenderly on the lips.
Standing on the pavement she watched as Isaac pulled the Mercedes out into the traffic. She smiled sadly, kissed her hand and blew the kiss towards Bruno, receiving a little wave in return.
She looked up. The man from the café was standing in his doorway staring again, with the untroubled, unembarrassed curiosity that she began to realise was a characteristic of this town.
For the second time that morning their gaze locked across the street. She wasn’t going to back down and look away this time. She glared back defiantly for what seemed like minutes. The standoff only ended when a man tried to squeeze past to get into the café and proprietor and customer exchanged a few words.
When he looked up again, she was gone.
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Out of the darkness
She waited until she had found her way in the darkness to the landing before hitting the switch. She paused while her eyes adapted to the artificial brightness. The dog stirred in his basket below in the kitchen. On bare feet she walked across the polished wooden floor to the door of Bruno’s room and pushed it open. No sooner had the rectangle of light fallen across his bed than fear gripped her by the throat. He lay precisely as she had left him the night before, entirely still for eight hours, seemingly lifeless, a chilling echo of that terrible day in the woods many years earlier. She moved swiftly to his side and took hold of his hand, its warmth reassured her. She held her face close to his and felt his regular breathing on her cheek, and gradually, gratefully she swallowed down the momentary panic. With her fingers she brushed the hair from his eyes and stroked his face gently until eventually he opened his eyes with a smile as warming as the dawn. “Time to get up Bruno,” she said quietly. “You go back to the clinic today and the car will be here in an hour. And Harry wants his breakfast!” At the mention of the dog’s name Bruno smiled more broadly, pushed away the covers and climbed out of bed. Harry was barking a welcome before he got to the top of the stairs. In what had become in a few short weeks a Monday morning ritual, Zuska finished packing his bag. She knew the pleasure tactile sensations gave him and combined a few favourite garments with new things she had bought - stiff white cotton, soft, springy wool, burnished leather. Between his shirts she interleaved little notes on purple paper written with an elegant, looping hand. One reminded him to telephone each evening, another told how she would cook his favourite meal when he returned on Friday evening, a third held out the vision of the cottage in the country she had always promised him, and a fourth said simply - and truthfully - that she loved him with all her heart. But Zuska knew it mattered little what she wrote or said. Words could mean as much, or as little, as you wanted them to mean. The important thing was what you did, and this time she was determined to keep her promise - even if it killed her doing so.
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Plat du jour - a tale of food, champagne and sex
Zuska had lived in this strange little town for barely a month, but already the sounds of the street were familiar to her.
She needed no alarm clock. In the early hours she slept soundly through the noise of the mechanical street sweeper with its orange flashing light that sprayed and brushed the pavement clear of the daytime debris.
Hours later she didn’t stir when the birds began to gather and twitter on the branches outside her window, illuminated by the first glimmer of dawn in the far off sky.
But as soon as she heard the mechanical creak as the café owner opposite wound down the striped awning, she immediately opened her eyes.
She lay still for a moment until the repetitious, metallic squeaking stopped only to be replaced the sound of a stiff broom on the pavement. She pulled aside the covers and padded almost silently to the window where she opened the curtains a crack.
The man was like clockwork. Same routine every morning. He wore a starched white apron and gave a proprietorial glance up and down the street before making a perfunctory sweep at his feet without even looking down. He was more interested in greeting the early risers already on their way to work and drumming up business, than in cleaning the already spotless paving.
“Hello there Stefan!” he shouted to a man out of Zuska’s sightline below her window.
“How’s your wife?”
Zuska couldn’t hear Stefan’s reply, but the café man adopted a serious face and nodded his head gravely.
“Listen my friend – she’s in the best place. They’ll look after her better than a mother could. She’ll be up and chasing you around the kitchen table before you know what’s hit you!”
He smiled a sad smile and nodded his head again as Stefan imparted another bit of bad news about the unfortunate woman.
“Listen, you need to look after yourself too – keep up your strength. I’ve got just the thing. Beautiful bit of lemon sole - straight off the boat this morning. You’ll love it! What say I put you down for a piece at lunchtime?”
Stefan’s concern over his wife’s medical condition obviously had not deprived him of his appetite and a deal was struck.
“Fine, about one o’clock? See you then. And tell that missus of yours that there’s a celebration meal waiting here as soon as she’s well enough - on the house!”
The café man waved farewell and then, after a barely decent pause, pulled out a notebook from his apron pocket and a pencil from behind his ear and began to scribble down details of the booking.
He was just reflecting, not without a tinge of guilt, that given the good lady’s prognosis it was hardly likely he would ever have to keep the promise of a free meal, when something made him look up – directly into Zuska’s eyes.
She froze for a moment as their gaze locked across the street. Surely he couldn’t see her through the small gap in the curtains in this half-light? But his stare seemed to penetrate the gloom. She took a half step backwards and then silently let the curtain fall shut.
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You have but slumber'd here, while these visions did appear
I started this blog to tell a story. That tale is long told, so it is time to say farewell. Perhaps I should make one thing clear – this is fiction, sometimes loosely based on real events, but more often completely made up. I’d overhear a snatch of conversation, or something amusing would happen, and I’d grab it, burnish it and embellish it. I’d turn it inside out, upside down and back to front. I’d introduce characters and invent dialogue for them to speak. None of it is true. Why? Because it is good fun. When I dreamt up the episode where Oberon is watching a school performance of Midsummer Night’s Dream and begins making deluded parallels between what was happening on the stage and his own life, I hugged myself with glee for about half an hour. I love it. Very few things give me that kind of buzz. It is fair to deduce from this that I lead a very quiet life. But telling a story is a bit like being an actor. You take a part; assume a character for the duration of the play and when it’s over you go back to being you. There is a lot of me in Oberon, but Oberon isn’t me. I say this as a caveat for those of you who have guessed my true identity (a bit of a shock isn’t it?) I valued the anonymity this blog offered me. It allowed me to say many things I couldn’t possibly have said otherwise. But now my cover has been blown it makes it impossible to carry on. People I care about might be hurt if they were to read this and think that I was writing about them. So what next for Oberon and Ella? Oberon was always too soft for this world. I think I may have had him packing it all in and going off to be a countryside ranger in the Highlands. As for Ella (the more interesting character, I think) I was planning a brief, passionate, lesbian fling with Rosalind before she continues her successful, if chaotic, rise up the corporate ladder, perhaps driving the final nail into the coffin of Oberon’s career on her way. Perhaps, some years later when she takes one liberty too many, she is finally sacked. She goes to Scotland to recover and entirely by chance meets Oberon. They realise they have loved each other all along and fall into each other’s arms and live happily ever after in a country cottage with roses around the door. What do you think? Too soppy? Perhaps Mills and Boon would be interested? Look, why don’t you decide? Please accept these characters as a small thank-you gift for the many lovely comments made here. Do with them as you will. Perhaps you can furnish a happy ending for them. I don’t think I could have. Midsummer Night’s Dream was the first Shakespeare play I read and sparked a life-long passion. I can think of no better way to leave than to quote the final words spoken by Puck before the curtain comes down: If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentles, do not reprehend: if you pardon, we will mend: And, as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, We will make amends ere long; Else the Puck a liar call; So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin shall restore amends.
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Penetrating the fog on pornography
Nah, I didn’t jump on a plane. Tempting though. Imagine waking up in Kobe or Rio or Prague and making a fresh start. I couldn’t balls things up as badly second time round, could I? Instead I’ve spent the week looking at porn and attending disciplinary meetings – so it has been a very strange few days. Perhaps, I should clarify. I have been surfing explicit sites entirely for work reasons, and whether or not they classify as ‘porn’ is the moot point. In any case they were not to my taste, as they largely featured good looking young boys who all seemed to have had an accident with a large bottle of baby oil resulting in them spilling the entire contents over their glistening, impossibly hairless bodies. They had also all managed to find an unusual place to hide their draft excluders - down a pair of unfeasibly tight shorts! Handy, if a cold snap comes on when you’re not expecting it. The first task was to investigate Richard’s Internet use, and that is where I hit my first problem. The company IT policy document is sloppily written. In one paragraph it states that surfing porn using company equipment is considered gross misconduct and will be punished by instant dismissal. In the next it says that those viewing ‘inappropriate’ websites will also face unspecified disciplinary action. Crucially it makes no attempt at a definition of either ‘pornography’ or ‘inappropriate’, so I had to come up with definitions myself. ‘Inappropriate’ is easy – anything that is not directly connected with your work. OK, we all do it – surfing the net I mean - but Richard got caught. So tough. As he was looking at chat rooms, dating sites and other titillating fair, he is bang to rights on the ‘inappropriate use’ charge. But was it ‘porn’, that would result in him getting the sack? Defining pornography is notoriously difficult. But I’ve come up with a solution that gets Richard – and me – off the hook. It can be summed up in one word and squeamish readers should look away now – penetration. In one day Richard looked at 63 different websites. We are not giving this boy enough work to do! I visited them all. Some featured nudity and one or two showed erect penises, but none showed penetration (although they linked to sites that do, and boy does it look painful!). My definition isn’t perfect, I know, and would probably include ‘educational’ videos on sale at WH Smiths, but there it is. It allowed me to give Richard a written warning over his Internet use, and a stern word over the office wresting match. The word homosexual or gay never passed my lips. It is not relevant, although inevitably he brought it up. I also gave Bilal and Simon verbal warnings and a bollocking over their conduct. Bilal cried and Simon swore. No one is happy, and I expect it will all end up in an industrial tribunal, but with any luck I will have been sacked by then. So that’s it. I tried to be fair and they all hate me. Just like being a dad really. Welcome to the wonderful world of management, Ella.
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When the lid comes off the blender
I knew it was all going to kick off today. I had a feeling in my stomach. I should have thrown a sickie. I knew. Don't ask me how, I just knew. Trouble has been brewing since Monday when Richard, our fast-track trainee, joined us for a month-long secondment. 'Fast-track trainee' means he's got a good degree and is probably a family friend of one of the directors. They do a couple of years moving from department to department 'to get a feel for the business', before effortlessly stepping on the up escalator to a senior management post. Naturally, they cause a fair degree of resentment and some of them are pretty insufferable. Richard in fact wasn't the worst of them. Cocky, bumptious, and thinks he knows it all, but clever, able and charming with it. But for some reason he seemed to put everyone's nose out of joint from day one, and by Wednesday I had a major revolt on my hands. The posse were threatening to sever his brake pipes and no one was willing to sit within ten yards of him. Even Camp Colin, who sees the best in everyone, couldn't stand him. On Thursday, I managed to calm things by sitting Richard on his own in a far corner with some routine tasks to get on with. I hoped he might just spend the time surfing the net - unfortunately he did. I was in meetings all day today, and wasn't able to watch the disaster unfold. First I heard was shortly before noon when Rosalind's rottweiler PA stuck her head around the meeting room door. "Sorry to interrupt but Oberon is needed in his department urgently." "Why what's the problem?" "Er - there's a riot going on." "What do you mean 'riot'"? "People fighting, throwing things at each other, damaging property - that kind of riot." I was already on my feet running for the door. I caught Rosalind's disapproving frown. It is all my fault, obviously. By the time I got there the warring parties had been pulled apart by two security men. There were broken coffee cups, two overturned chairs and a coatstand on the floor. There were bits of paper everywhere, and a smashed noticeboard leaning against a desk. Several of the girls were crying. I saw blood on a handkerchief. One security guard had hold of Richard, another was pushing Simon towards the door. Bilal, our mild mannered Asian, was crying. His shirt had almost been ripped from his back. I found Ella. "What the hell is going on?" It turns out that for most of the week Richard has spent much of his time surfing gay websites. I don't know if they are porn yet - that is part of the ongoing investigation, as the police would say. But certainly pretty racy. One of the girls sneaked up behind him to see what he was up to and caught a glimpse of Latino Boys Online, or some such. Of course news of this spread like a bad rash. Most significantly word reached Simon. Simon was enraged. Richard was using Simon's log-in to access the computer system. Accessing porn is considered gross misconduct and a sackable offence. Simon believed his job was on the line because of Richard's stupidity. He waited for Richard to go to the loo and then went over to his computer to see what he was looking at. Mission accomplished he should have had a quiet word with me later on in the day, and I in turn could have had a quiet word with Richard. Job done. But Simon is not one of life's diplomats. He waited for Richard to return and then said: "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" There followed a loud slanging match that caught the attention of the entire office. In the middle of this Bilal happened to wander past and caught a glimpse of what was on screen. He went ballistic and started screaming at Richard that he is an abomination to Allah or some such. Richard had enough of this and grabbed Bilal, who weighs about eight stones, and pushed him backwards across the desk. Simon waded in and got a grip of Richard. No actual punches were thrown, I am told, but there was a lot of shouting and swearing and all three were locked in violent embrace. There followed a sort of rolling maul as they spun around, crashing into furniture and knocking people over. A couple of the girls tried to separate them but didn't have the strength. Ella started throwing cup fulls of cold water from the cooler over them as though they were dogs rutting in the street. The whole thing lasted for about 15 minutes until the security men finally restored some kind of order. I've now been told I have to complete an investigation into this incident and report back first thing Monday morning. I've interviewed all concerned and they all see things very differently. Richard has accused me and the rest of the company of homophobia and is threatening to go to the press. He says the sites were not porn, but dating sites and chat rooms no one would have turned a hair if he had been looking at pictures of women. He says he only grabbed Bilal because he felt he was going to be attacked and then wouldn't let go because he was outnumbered. He wants Bilal and Richard to be dealt with appropriately. Bilal meanwhile has accused me and the company of Islamophobia. Such images are grossly offensive to him and to expect him to work in the same room as someone viewing such pictures is unacceptable and a classic case of gross cultural insensitivity. He was also the subject of an unprovoked attack and wants Richard dealt with appropriately. He is going to Friday prayers at his mosque tonight and will be garnering support from his fellow worshippers. Simon says he is being picked on because he is neither black nor gay. He argues he had a legitimate beef with Richard and was entitled to challenge him. He only intervened to help Bilal who had been attacked by a much larger man and then kept hold to stop Bilal getting hurt. He wants Richard dealt with appropriately. He is also a union rep and will be speaking to his full time official tonight to ask for the union's support. Do you think anyone would notice if I just drove to the airport tonight and jumped on the first available flight to anywhere never to return?
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Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
The first twenty minutes turned out to be perfect training for the role of senior executive in our company - Rosalind mercilessly berated us for our lack of foresight, pathetic planning, useless organization etc. We stared silently at our blotters, like a group of sixth formers who have been caught smoking in the common room. Once or twice I heard Ella sigh rather more loudly than was diplomatic. Rosalind didn’t notice and reached a crescendo: “How many of you are properly prepared for the winter? “How many of you have a full set of snow tyres ready in the garage?” No one was prepared to lie that blatantly. We all shook our heads. “Precisely!” she said. “Er...but isn’t that the point?” Someone was speaking. Oh Lord it was me! Rosalind gave her thin, humourless smile. She likes her victims to wriggle about a bit before she finishes them off. “Yes, Oberon?” “Well, if you lived in northern Canada or somewhere and you could reliably expect three feet of snow from October to April then obviously it would be worth investing in snow tyres.” The smile was colder than a Saskatchewan blizzard. “But in the UK such an event would only happen every 50 or 100 years so you have to decide if it is worth it.” By now an arctic gale was rolling across the frozen wastes of the Yukon. But I was too far into this particular snowdrift to turn back now. “And the same goes for this severe weather planning idea. We could spend an inordinate amount of time and money planning for something that may not happen for a hundred years! Couldn’t the money be better spent?” She chopped me off at the knees. What I failed to appreciate, apparently, was the unique competitive advantage a severe weather plan would give us over our rivals. While they were snowed in, we would be servicing our customers, presumably using the fleet of brand new snowploughs we had kept in our garages for the past century awaiting this very opportunity. I bowed to Rosalind’s superior wisdom. Ella snorted loudly. Rosalind didn’t notice. She’d been at it for an hour now and was still going strong. She looked slightly flushed. Had she been at the sherry? Then a terrible, awful, mind boggling thought struck me. Perhaps she was showing off to Ella? Perhaps - I swallowed hard - she even fancied her? The horrible possible complications of this scenario made my head spin. I stared miserably at my blotter. “You Britishers make me laugh, you really do. The merest dusting of snow and you all give up and everything grinds to a halt. “Why, only this morning I was on the phone to a former colleague who lives in Helsinki. She had a good eight inches last night and everything carried on as normal.” Without missing a beat Ella said: “Eight inches! Lucky girl! Tell her to give us his phone number. He sounds my kinda boy.” There was a stunned silence. I looked at Ella appalled. She was grinning and giggling to herself. Outbreaks of giggling began to break out around the table. Ian was stuffing his tie into his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Rosalind was the last to get the joke. “Thank you Ella. But that sort of comment isn’t really appropriate in this forum.” “Oh keep your knickers on Roz, it was only a little joke.” Rosalind winced as though she had been punched. “Please Ella, not ‘Roz’. Never ‘Roz’. Always ‘Rosalind’.” “Yeah, whatever.” It struck me that this wasn’t Ella’s normal crashing insensitivity to other people. This was a deliberate wind up. As soon as the meeting finished I cornered her in the corridor. “What the bloody hell are you playing at?” “What?” “In there with Rosalind.” “Oh that. Well, she was really getting on my tits. ‘You Britishers’ – who the hell does she think she is?” “She thinks she’s your boss – and mine – and he holds your future in her hands.” “Ah well,” she shrugged her shoulders and brushed past me, “I don’t much like Vauxhall Vectras anyway.” Happy New Year everyone.
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